I just wasn't made for the beach. I'm fair, and to tan is to damage my skin beyond repair. My eyelashes and eyebrows are nonexistent after the first wave hits my face, and I just look like I don't belong there, in that environment. Like I was biologically not built to withstand any tropical climate. Like I just look like I'm in pain just standing there on the beach.
Then there is the issue of my chest. I can never find a swimsuit that fits me up top and I feel like I am always popping out everywhere. I do have this one bikini top from Victoria's secret, that was made in my exact bra size, except for it does this ridiculous push up thing that makes me look like I am trying to show them off, and I really just feel uncomfortable with how out there they are, or I should say, up there, they are. I just feel not family friendly or something, even though I do not even feel all that attractive anymore in a swimsuit because I haven't exercised in about 2 years now, except for toting around a baby constantly for 18 months.
When I picture a woman that was made for the beach, I picture Mila Kunis. She could completely be unprepared, and get in a bikini on a whim, and dive right in the water, and emerge looking even more attractive somehow, with non disappearing brows and lashes, and in any swimsuit top of her choice. And her skin looks better with some sun, unlike mine, that just looks like it hurts. But I don't envy her really, she is biologically meant for that beach life, I'm more of a Rose from Titanic kind of girl. Or any Jane Austin character. Just let me roam around the mild rainy countryside in my long dress that extenuates all of my best features and an umbrella to protect me from the suns harsh rays because non suntanned skin is considered beautiful. I swear I am not meant for these days, or to go to the beach in the dead of summer.
I'm in love with these photo's of the boys, and I am so happy we made a little time to capture them at this age, in this summer of their lives. I hope to get images like these each summer at this beach, and look back over the years and watch them grow, and remember their toothy smiles and baby features and sunbleached highlights. We will see you next year Panama City, and hopefully every summer from here on out. I'll bring the SPF 50.